The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
