I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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