I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
