No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
God, I missed his penis.
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