Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
