Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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