I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
