so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
