i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just had sex bonerless
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
