Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
