i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
