How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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