Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
