I wish life had little blips of pornography
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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