oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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