He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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