Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
