So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
