I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
