I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
