im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
