omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
