Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
