her vagine was all disorganized.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
