I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sext me about skeletons
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
