The maid of honor just puked.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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