Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
