So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
