Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
