I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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