So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
