I cannot find my penis.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
