I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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