And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
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You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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