K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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