He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
