i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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