I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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