Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
