Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
