girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
