she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
