based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.