How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm home, then i'll come over
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it's like heaven, but drunker
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast