You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
