not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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