If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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