he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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