You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
