soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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