dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
