she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
