Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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