Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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