Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
