I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
