I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
