you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
