He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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