i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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