just tell him i said nine months
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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