i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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