apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
