I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
