physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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