Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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