The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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