Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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