you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
